he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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