Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
