Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
