dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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