I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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