We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Farmville is her only friend.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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