i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
