Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
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