I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
