You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
