yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
