So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
