That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
