He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I believe in your delicious
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
