I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
