I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
