i think my mom watched the whole time
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize