How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
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We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
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I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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