Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
