I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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