you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
