Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
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Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
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How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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