Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
