also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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