Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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