if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
