I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
