I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
So vagazzling was a success
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
