my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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