so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Randomize
