tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
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