Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
