this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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