I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
