just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
