If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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