fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
