By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
