Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
