hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
