I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
