I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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