long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
