I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Good news!! I can adult!! ๐ turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ๐ญ๐
No offense, but I donโt think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize