Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
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The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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