i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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