chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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