Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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