So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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