I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
