He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
