i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
