You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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