oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
