I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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