in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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