Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
ugly people sure do ruin things
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
