Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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