I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
