this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
