Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm really busy with my period
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